It’s all a bunch of history repeating.
A long time ago, i almost died from problematic and very strange health related incident one morning. It happened many times and it was never really looked at by my parents and they just fobbed it off until one day it actually got too overbearing and I had to see a doctor… That was 7 weeks after the initial incident occurred.
It was entirely blamed on my liver function. Well, it was said that could have been the cause. However, I think I now know different to what transpired that night.
Stress, anxiety, being upset, depression etc. All lead to what happened very early this morning (about midnight) till about 8am. It was the same symptoms and a very similar situation.
Many years ago, when the first incident occurred, the doctors I had misdiagnosed me. This I am 100% sure of. Just because there is a fault in my liver function doesn’t mean it can cause this catastrophic effect. But it had its own part in this project. When at the doctor those years ago, I was with my parents and I was asked if I was stressed or anxious.. I said no.. Truth was that I actually was stressed and had anxiety, I just didnt want my parents to know.
So i was perscribed this wonder pill called “Stemzine Forte” and everything was ok.
Last night, I had never experienced a worse kind of hell. Not only was i feeling INCREDIBLY SICK, upset, lonely, stressed, anxious and down, I also had the mindset that i write my blogs in… So VERY depressive.. and this continued for 8 hours! Can you imagine, being trapped in your most depressive state for 8 FUCKING HOURS! It was almost death… A hell in the human mind if you will… All the while the two beside me frolicked in their slumber, none the wiser to what was going on in the imprisoning peril outside their sleepy states.
All i could conceive was “Why?”
Why was it that I hasnt it happened to me yet?
Why is it taking its time?
Why cant I function properly in certain situations?
Why is it that everyone I know has had it, and I have not?
Towards the end it was “why was I unable to reciprocate a hug?”
I riddled myself with many questions that night. Finding answers was not easy, nor did that even occur. The only answer to my sickness and sorrows, seemingly came from a swift movement through the thick window pane glass onto the freeway below. But no, that answer was not striven for.
At least the sickness wasn’t ignored this time. Probably due to the very evident sounds of dry heaving expelling from my throat and resinating throughout the entire hotel room.
I felt embarrassed, I felt disgusting, I felt as though I made a fool of myself, I felt as though i may have acted incorrectly to the situation at hand. Maybe. My conclusion. It was everyones fault, including mine.
